Sunday morning Jason woke up and said there was an email from Maridel, director of Safe-Familes Twin Cities. Three children ages 1, 2, and 3 needing placement for a little over a month with weekend breaks. He asked me what I thought. I began to pray.....seek my heart....look at my calendar.....but then... I had to not think of how BUSY I was because I'm always going to be busy. I thought "If this were my daughter calling, what would I do?" I would drop everything and take care of the kids. After consulting with our kids, we decided to take the 2 & 3 year old.
|Happy One Year Baby Carson!!|
Sunday evening we were excited and nervous all at the same time. Here we were about to pick up two more children! We couldn't help but think of the timing of it all. This exact Sunday one year prior we left our home...during Amazing Race...to go to the hospital to meet our surprise blessing!!! We were now going....during Amazing Race... to meet TWO surprise blessings!!
We arrived home late, but had a time of introductions and snacks before bedtime.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are a blurr to me. I do know they were the most difficult yet strangely life altering 4 days of my life. The kids are coming from a loving, caring mom who wants to do the right thing for them, so they resisted our care of them.....to put it mildly. The days were long, the nights longer for my teenage girls...who dealt with the night mares. I knew the first day or two would be bad....but by Thursday Baby C was picking up on some of their "habits"...and I became fearful.
This morning I was ready to throw in the towel completely. I was concerned for my kids. Jason and I prayed this morning.....me through sobbing tears....I asked God for a glimmer....just a small little ray.... of hope. Hope.....that it would get better.... that we would at least have ONE semi-good day.
All week I've been thinking of the saying "Filled, to be poured out again...." It's in the banner of a blog from a woman in our church that is raising 11 children....or is it 12?.....anyway.....many of them have fetal alcohol syndrome. I kept thinking of her all week, and her saying on her blog. I didn't quite "get it" when I first went to her blog....but now I get it....or at least starting to......I'm sure she'd laugh if she knew I was only caring for two....without FASD. I can't imagine how often she is poured out daily....hourly....minutely...:)...only to be filled!!!(and the funny thing is all week I thought it was "Poured out, to be filled again...".... until just now when I went to her blog to get the URL for the link!! OH WOW!!)
But the beauty in all of this....this "life altering" work we are doing. It's not just that we are changing these kids.....although I hope they remember our love and care for them.....it's that these kids are changing us!! I am so full of heart transforming work it aches. I'm not sure I can even begin to tell you all we've learned about God, about ourselves, about the world, about women/kids in crisis, about leaning on Jesus every minute every hour....about remembering His promises and claiming them for ME personally....about crying out to God....about asking others to cry out to God for us. WOW!! I really wouldn't change all this....I wouldn't....and I'm ashamed to say I was wanting to give up....because I'M STUBBORN and I HATE TO QUIT......but I'm more ashamed that I didn't wait for God.....but He knew I needed to be humbled.....to get off my high horse thinking I have all the answers. God is soooo good that way.
ENOUGH....I am so tired this makes no sense. I have the mind to do ABSOLUTELY no editing.....just raw writing.....so I will......
POST PUBLISHED!!!(O.k....I edited a little!!)